She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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