i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
