Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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