wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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