just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
