you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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