paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
