You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
