Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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