I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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