Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
