How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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