if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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