I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
