So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
