Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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