I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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