My sheets look like a crime scene.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
