Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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