can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
