At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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