last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
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I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
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He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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