Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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