Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
