Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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