Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
