I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
