maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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