i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
