I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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