a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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