I bet he comes in French.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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