i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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