How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
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I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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