he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
