i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
