i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
