just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
