I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize