It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
