I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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