ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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