Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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