i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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