Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
