Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
