Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
