Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
