pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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