They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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