Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
