3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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