I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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