at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
