3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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