i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
