You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
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I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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