if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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